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Articles - Managing Anger
OAK LEAVES FAMILY SERVICE
COLUMN -FEBRUARY, 2001 FIGHTING MAD - HOW TO MANAGE YOUR ANGER
"I m having a hard time controlling my temper
lately. I find myself blowing up over the smallest issues. I feel as if
my anger is getting the better of me. I know that I m not handling my emotions
very well and I feel very guilty when I finally calm down, but in the heat
of the moment I can t seem to reign myself in. Why am I feeling this way?
Do you have any suggestions about how I can better control my anger?"
Everyone, from infants to grown adults, deals with various levels of anger
on a daily basis. While anger is a normal, and usually healthy, human emotion,
when it gets out of control and turns destructive it can cause problems
in our interpersonal relationships and effect our emotional and physical
well-being.
Learn more about anger management from
the following resources:
- Anger Management Group - How to Cope - Tuesdays, 7 - 8 pm Contact
Charley Lerner, LCPC - 708-383-7500 x 206
- Anger Free: Ten Basic Steps to Managing Your Anger, by W. Doyle
Gentry
- Anger: Taming the Beast, by Reneau Z. Peurifoy
- The Angry Self: A Comprehensive Approach to Anger Management,
by Miriam M. Gottlieb
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Charley Lerner, a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, and Coordinator
of Community and Crisis Services at Family Service & Mental Health Center
of Oak Park & River Forest offers a Cognitive/Behavi oral approach to regaining
control over your anger process.
This approach is based on breaking down the components of anger and understanding
each aspect individually. Once we understand the components of our anger
process we can begin to manage the process more effectively and better control
our response.
Three phases of the anger process :
1. Cognitive: The anger process states Lerner, begins with our interpretation
of a situation and an assessment of threat, irritation or a need for control.
That s the cognitive part.
2. Physical: Next, this cognitive interpretation triggers a physical response
in the body which may include a reflexive response, like flinching, and/or
the release of adrenaline into the blood stream to prepare for action.
3. Behavioral: Finally, there is a behavioral response to the situation
- a decision to act and how. The physical response often creates a need
to act out physically; to punch someone, or to run away. The urge to act
on this impulse can be very strong, particularly with adrenaline pumping
through our system. The decision to go with that impulse or not is a very
important one.
Ultimately, our goal in situations where we feel anger , adds Lerner, is
to gain or regain control. Blindly following our urges in the heat of the
moment often has the exact opposite effect. Control is lost, over yourself
and the situation. The consequences are rarely what you would have hoped
for. Hurt feelings, embarrassment, physical injury to yourself or others,
even the involvement of authorities can result.
Managing the Adrenaline Rush
Seeing Red, In the Heat of the Moment, Red with Anger, Flew into a Rage,
are all terms which describe a very real, physical response to anger.
When your adrenal glands release adrenaline into your blood stream it feels
good to use that adrenaline, it s immediately gratifying. It feels good
to release the tension by lashing out. It also establishes you as the victor.
You ve won the moment. I am right they are wrong - feels good , says Lerner.
Many individuals don t get much positive affirmation in their lives so this
type of behavior feels very rewarding. But it often comes with negative
rather than positive consequences. Keeping ultimate consequences in mind
can help you make the right behavioral decision in the moment.
Some Basic Tips to Help You Regain Control Over Your Emotions
1. Understand the physical process within yourself.
2. Understand what leads to stress in your life.
3. Give some thought to those stresses which are beyond your control,
and make a deliberate effort to let those go (i.e.., the traffic, the
behavior of a store clerk or your boss).
4. Manage your general stress level.
5. Try to avoid stressful situations when you can. Find a healthy outlet
for anger - physical activity or exercise.
6. Become aware of the effects of diet on your disposition. Caffeine and
high fat/cholesterol foods can make you more irritable. Certain medications
can also affect your mood and your ability to manage anger. Realize that
if you feel good about yourself anger is a more manageable emotion.
7. Try to overcome the physical, biological impulse - count to 10 - it
really does work. It only takes 10 seconds for your body to re-absorb
the released adrenaline. Don t address an emotionally-charged issue in
the heat of the moment. Take some time to consider all courses of action
before acting out.
8. Strive for positive vs. negative consequences. Remember what your ultimate
goal is and take a moment to consider how best to achieve it.
Lerner views learning to manage anger as a process of personal awareness
and growth. Given time, and in many cases some counseling, we can understand
our anger and manage our expression of it. Ultimately, we can turn this
powerful emotion into a productive rather than a destructive force. It can
help us better understand what we want and who we are.
Licensed mental health professionals are trained in ways to help people
examine and manage their angry feelings in a constructive way. Family Service
offers anger management programs through various sources. Call the agency
to find out more.
Located at 120 S. Marion, Oak Park, Family Service & Mental Health Center
of Oak Park & River Forest is a not-for-profit social service and mental
health agency that provides counseling, psychiatric and prevention/education
programs to men, women, youth and families. To learn more about our programs
or to make an appointment, contact us at (708) 383-7500.
  
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